Bursting Through Glass Ceilings

Slaying the demon inside our heads

“Only the worms that are born from the body of the lion itself will feed on the lion’s flesh.” This is Buddhist quote that used to sit on my altar for many years. In essence it means that the only thing that can naturally take down a mighty lion, is something that comes from the lion itself. An internal parasite, self sabotage, doubt, inner fear, things along that line. I have been on a somewhat conscious path and journey for many years now, but as happens when we are finally relaxed, old demons and some new ones can rear their frightening heads.

A few weeks ago I was working on a wonderful project on Ayurvedic health. I had done my homework, research and placed many, many hours into this project. When the time came to give my presentation I felt no pressure. (Remember I am an ex actor who grew up either on stage, or in front of the camera so performing in front of people can be second nature to me.) However suddenly, as I was beginning to start, I began to hear something. At first it was a scant whisper but soon it began to become incredibly loud. Horrible, awful, disparaging remarks began to surface. Where were they coming from? They were coming from the inside of my head. I have never heard the ‘negative’ forces so strongly in my life before. I felt like I was in a Roman arena fighting a mystical beast of huge proportions with my bare hands. The beast though invisible, was alive and well inside my brain. It started to grow  and get louder as I kept trying to focus. I began to get nervous. I began to white knuckle it. I began to have the inner dialogue where you tell your negative self to F _ _ _ K off for a time and come later. I was perplexed and confused since this seemed to come out of nowhere. I finally realized in a moment that only thing that would calm the demon was love. I began to gently tell it that all was ok. I started to also do an internal Sa Ta Ra Ma mantra under my breath. I managed to quell the voice, and get back on track.  I was able to take a moment to gather myself and then proceed without an issue. Once in a while the whisper would start, but I would send light to it and with sheer will and determination focus on the joy of what I had studied.

Later, I began to meditate and ponder on the situation that had occurred. What I realized was this. During the last several weeks we have had four or more planets in retrograde, and one of the things this can do is lift the veil. What this means is we begin to feel energy clearly, we begin to see the truth in some areas, and we begin to have opportunities to challenge our blocks. I feel that perhaps because I have been doing so much work between my Kundalini practice, connecting with nature, my chanting and more that I am getting closer to reaching my goals. As we start to ascend towards our dreams the remnants of our energetic pasts whether it be parents, friends, society, ex lovers, or our inner demons really give a big fight to drag us down. You hear this a lot in the sobriety programs, or with people who have endured abuse. They will at times sabotage themselves as they are reaching the finish line, for this will be acceptable or at least familiar. Maybe it’s the idea of failing now instead of later, since you will have more to lose later. Maybe it’s about feeling like you aren’t deserving of peace and contentment. Maybe it’s about feeling guilty for having it all. Maybe it’s the twisted notion that people will like you more if you’ve failed.  I’m not sure what it is exactly, but I do know I can be a warrior if I have to be, and that I can overcome the demons. I also know all those notions are rubbish and this is a new powerful time, it’s the Aquarian Age.

Today I feel like I must acknowledge the demon is there but not give it any attention. I have to just look and see that there are places in me that still need to be held, discovered, nurtured and worked on. We are all a work in progress that is the beauty of this life. We don’t ever finish growing, evolving, yearning, craving. The hope is we can create enough self love that the demons can go to sleep so we can continue to do our work. The hope is we can conquer over the negative in ourselves, and burst through glass ceilings that we have consciously or unconsciously created for ourselves. How to do this? More meditation, more joy, more dancing, more singing, more community, more beauty rituals, more service, more reading, more silliness, more forgiveness, more love, more . . .

(Wikipedia describes The Glass Ceiling as ” glass ceiling is an invisible barrier that keeps a given demographic – typically applied to women – from rising beyond a certain level in a hierarchy.” )

Tags:Aquarian, ayurveda, demon, glass ceiling, health, Kundalini, negativity, positivity, retrograde